What A Hostage Negotiator Can Teach You
I learned of Chris Voss on The Tom Woods Show and was surprised in spite of myself at just how much his specialized skill, a hostage negotiator, applies to the rest of the world.
My copy of Never Split the Difference just came in the mail and I’m really excited. As Voss said, and I’ve seen supported in various FaceBook groups, hostage negotiation skills apply to any situation in which two people have discordant wants. I have read posts supporting the ideas in the book for sales. The prime job for the negotiator is to find the pain, what is so bad that a person took hostages and made demands? In sales, what is so special about the widget you sell that any customer needs it? I am going to learn how that happens and I will share my successes with you.
Once Isn’t Enough
Having finished the book, I remain a big fan. Astute readers will recognize that negotiations are just two people talking. Sometimes it is about why your clothes never seem to make it to the hamper. Or why can’t the kids just do the chores. There are skills and techniques here which will help you land that client, negotiate with your landlord or get a better deal on a car.
I plan to reread this book just to make sure the ideas are cemented into my noggin. Plus, there is a vernacular to negotiation which makes more sense as you work you way through the text. A refresher with that vocabulary is a good plan.
Self help is a funny thing, but the fastest way to learn what you don’t know. Reading Emerson is self-help, it just isn’t presented that way. Buy this book and give yourself some self-help.
Update
I have reread the book. I’ve also listened to it on audio and watched dozens of videos of Chris on podcasts and speeches. Just like making a croissant, negotiation takes practice. Repeated practice and consistent practice.
Chris talks often in interviews about the high stakes of real estate deals. That’s a pretty high-stakes moment. What is high stakes, but invisible, is the guy at the watercooler or making dinner and trying to get through the evening peacefully. For interpersonal relations, the day-to-day doesn’t get higher stakes. The skills of the deal of releasing the hostage or closing the deal also apply to our daily lives.